Whore Season

If any of you happen to watch a little YouTube show called DaveAndRemi, then this term is familiar to you. If not, then what the hell are you waiting for? Go. Watch Whore Season. Right now. I'll wait.... seriously. I'll wait.



All caught up? Good. Now, let me explain a little further. Much like the first signs of spring, there are a few things to watch for to signal the beginning of Whore Season.

(Sidenote: All my opinions and "advice" are geared towards people in monogamous relationships. For all you single folks, please feel free to whore yourself out as much as you like.)

image courtesy of blackgirlsareeasy.com

Whore Season, (which unofficially begins Memorial Day weekend) is that time of year, when it first starts to get warm and sunny. I'm not talking 80 degrees or hot and humid or anything. I mean, it's JUST warm enough to wear something short during the day or go sans jacket or sweater before it starts to get dark. If you're NOT a whore that is. Now, I can see all the women who like to wear revealing clothing when it gets a little nice out, already fuming talking about "Just cuz I like to look good, doesn't mean I'm a whore!" You're right. I'm not talking about you. Unless of course you ARE a whore, then feel free to be offended. I'm talking about that chick that even though it's barely nice enough to not wear a jacket, she's already got the goods out as if to get a jump on all the rest of the whores. Kind of like preemptive whoring if you will. Her style of dress is always inappropriately risque for the time of day and temperature and while she looks good, she also looks like she on the prowl. Of course the way a women dresses alone does not determine whether she gets the title or not, it's just a lot easier to try and single them out. For example, if you dress like a fireman I expect you to put out fires. I'm just saying.

How do you visually spot a whore you ask? Well, it's not a science, but much like rain, there are a few key things to look for. It's hard to describe, but you know it when you see it. As I pointed out already, their attire can usually give them away. Not always because some whores just don't dress like that. But the ones who don't have a problem laying all her "cards" on the table is probably the same one who relies on her "assets" to get her where she needs to go. Kinda like marajiana being a gateway drug. If you don't mind having your ass out, then you probably don't mind someone in it.

Another hint you're in whore presence is, she's willing to coyly flirt with all the males around until one makes a move. Even if they're all friends. Even if they all seem interested. Even if one of them is your man. Now, there's nothing wrong with flirting. I do it myself every now and then. But in a setting  where there are multiple dudes involved, it's a little less than ideal to put yourself in a situation like this especially when you have no intention on really following up if they all express an interest. Also, you just look crazy being all up in everybody's face. I'm just saying.

As I've explained before, there are different types of whores. Smart whores and dumb whores. The smart ones are fully aware of what they're doing and don't care. They have an agenda and you're either helping it or not. The dumb ones are just oblivious and don't even realize that they're dumb ass decisions are leading to whorish behavior. Either one can get you in whole lot of trouble.

On the one hand, the smart whore who's in control of everything probably has dudes who she's hit up, that are ready to do anything for her. That includes knocking somebody's block off. That somebody could be you. Usually these chicks don't have boyfriends and don't have a problem adding someone else's to their stable for the summer. Friend's or otherwise. On the rare occasion they do, the same conditions apply. Your man, someone else's... everybody is fair game. Her boyfriend of course, is none the wiser and believes he has as an angel sent from heaven. Yeah, not so much.

On the other hand, the dumb whores usually don't realize that they've just been whored and then you've got a clinger. What do you do now? Especially if you've already got somebody. She thought that by giving you some, it'd make you like her more. It never dawned on her that you weren't really in it for the long haul, even though you told her you a. had a woman, b. weren't looking for a relationship c. some other generic excuse. At least the smart whores play their position.

Yeah, I got it all worked out and everything.

I realize all these statements I'm making sound wrong. Real wrong. But that doesn't mean that I'm making them up. We all know that chick. Do we know who she's getting it in with? Probably not, but we know she's looking real whorish. There's nothing wrong with a woman being in charge of her sexuality and who she decides she's going to bed, but when the choices become indiscriminate and/or the encounters all have a means to an end.... well that's just being a whore. Y'all fee me?

Now, I'm just having a little fun with the definition here, but I DO feel like anyone who thinks it perfectly ok to help someone else cheat is wrong. (Cheaters, you're wrong too!) These are the people I tend to put in the whore category. I won't lie, I've done it and it was wrong then too. (By my standard I have to put myself in that category for doing it. But we're talking years ago and I'm older and wiser now.) But I can also understand that you never know who you're going to end up liking, fall in love with, etc. In those rare cases where the overwhelming attraction of another person leads you to want to be with them and you believe they're your soul mate or some crap like that (See: Mark Sanford), then more power to you and good luck. I hope it works out. For the more common "I just wanted to hit that" situation, I think its best to just stay away from the whores

Fassbuk

Fassbuk. That is all.

Black Men Rock! ...except on B.E.T.

Now, before I launch into a whole "thing" about this, let me state a couple of things for the record. I only point these things out because since voicing my opinion about certain things I've heard much of the following:

1. I am NOT a woman hater
2. I am NOT a man lover (at least not in the sense that I put a man's feelings above a woman's)
3. I DO NOT want to be a man.
4. I DO want to see both women and men recognized for their achievements.
5. I DO think black women (and men) need to see positive role models all the time.
6. I DO think that shows like Black Girls Rock are a good idea.

With all that established, if at some point you feel the need to disagree with what I'm saying, please be my guest. But don't attempt to come at me with any of the arguments I've already cleared up above. All I'm gonna do is point you in the up direction so you can get your bearings and come back with something else. Now...

This past Sunday, BET aired a program called Black Girls Rock. When I first heard about it, I have to admit, I liked the "campaign". I didn't know it was an actual show yet. The BFF and I were trying to watch Kanye West's Runaway, and an ad for Black Girl's Rock came up on the screen. The ad featured shirts and we liked the idea of rocking a "Black Girls Rock" tee. Because of course... we rock. I was generally on board with the concept of it. After learning more about the organization, I still think it's a great idea. Wasn't sure about how long it had been around, but I liked it.

Then I saw a commercial for it. Like... this is a show? That's coming on? Really?? Just months after that whole Nightline Face Off with Steve Harvey, Sherry Sheppard and Jacque Reid about the issues of successful black women? Where all the women were yes-ing the comments about not being able to find a good black man and how they deserve this and that (because in not so many words "they rock"). See: Black Marriage Negotiation. At a time when "For Colored Girls" is coming out? A movie where all but one of the men in the film is a complete shit hole? In the midst of almost every Tyler Perry movie portraying black men negatively? (Except for that one that made the LEAST money. Anybody remember the name of that one? I'll wait...)

Ok, don't get it twisted. I'm not saying there are NO fucked up black men out there and we should be singing the praises of those who don't deserve it. There are a hell of a lot of dudes, who mirror all the negative images of black men we see. There'd be nothing to draw from if there weren't. But my experience (and the experiences of most of the people I know) show there are way more good dudes out there, they just don't have the same press agent. My point, if you haven't gotten yet, is that if anybody NEEDS a little upliftment, kudos, accolades, pats on the back, and shout outs RIGHT NOW, its black boys/men. I'm NOT saying that "pushing women forward, pushes men back". I'm NOT saying that shows like this aren't necessary for young black women. There are lots of black girls who know they "rock" and so many more that don't, so I get why it's important. I was proud of some of the things that these women and young girls accomplished. I think they should be honored everyday. What I AM saying is, where's the "Black Men Rock" show? I've never seen one. Somebody please step in and correct me if you think I've missed one.

The timely appearance of Black Girls Rock and all it represents makes it painfully obvious that the same encouragement and upliftment is lacking on the other side. In a time where it seems the divide between black men and women is getting bigger, I just want to see us ALL be held up and praised for our accomplishments. Maybe it will help bring us back together. Please let me know if you see what I'm seeing. I'm hoping all my enlightened sistas out there can appreciate what I'm saying without thinking that I'm somehow NOT supporting us.

To all the brothas out there who feel like you're not appreciated for all you do, big AND small, if you're thinking "Where's my shout outs?"

...I just want to let you know YOU ROCK! (insert confetti and award ceremony music here)

Real Quotes From Work

Co-worker: What's wrong with this tape? It's sticky.
Me: *blank stare* It's tape.

Is truth something women REALLY want?

*sigh*

Before I answer this question, let me state for the record that this is my opinion based on my experiences. When I say "women" I am not talking about ALL women. If you don't fall into this category, then I'm not talking about you. I am however, talking about A LOT of women. Enough so that this is a fairly common thing.

The short answer is yes. And no. Confusing huh? Let me explain. We don't want to be lied to, but we don't always want the truth. For example: "Does this make me look fat?" The obvious answer here is "No." I hate to say it, but any other answer is just not going to work. Now, let's say that said outfit DOES make her look fat. You're NOT supposed to say that. It's messed up, but for the most part it's true. The ideal way to deal with this situation is to first say NO. Understand this... "No." is the correct answer. While it may not necessarily be the truth, hearing it IS NOT something that is going to go over well with the average woman. Only after you've said no will any other comments be heard and accepted.