Whore Season

If any of you happen to watch a little YouTube show called DaveAndRemi, then this term is familiar to you. If not, then what the hell are you waiting for? Go. Watch Whore Season. Right now. I'll wait.... seriously. I'll wait.



All caught up? Good. Now, let me explain a little further. Much like the first signs of spring, there are a few things to watch for to signal the beginning of Whore Season.

(Sidenote: All my opinions and "advice" are geared towards people in monogamous relationships. For all you single folks, please feel free to whore yourself out as much as you like.)

image courtesy of blackgirlsareeasy.com

Whore Season, (which unofficially begins Memorial Day weekend) is that time of year, when it first starts to get warm and sunny. I'm not talking 80 degrees or hot and humid or anything. I mean, it's JUST warm enough to wear something short during the day or go sans jacket or sweater before it starts to get dark. If you're NOT a whore that is. Now, I can see all the women who like to wear revealing clothing when it gets a little nice out, already fuming talking about "Just cuz I like to look good, doesn't mean I'm a whore!" You're right. I'm not talking about you. Unless of course you ARE a whore, then feel free to be offended. I'm talking about that chick that even though it's barely nice enough to not wear a jacket, she's already got the goods out as if to get a jump on all the rest of the whores. Kind of like preemptive whoring if you will. Her style of dress is always inappropriately risque for the time of day and temperature and while she looks good, she also looks like she on the prowl. Of course the way a women dresses alone does not determine whether she gets the title or not, it's just a lot easier to try and single them out. For example, if you dress like a fireman I expect you to put out fires. I'm just saying.

How do you visually spot a whore you ask? Well, it's not a science, but much like rain, there are a few key things to look for. It's hard to describe, but you know it when you see it. As I pointed out already, their attire can usually give them away. Not always because some whores just don't dress like that. But the ones who don't have a problem laying all her "cards" on the table is probably the same one who relies on her "assets" to get her where she needs to go. Kinda like marajiana being a gateway drug. If you don't mind having your ass out, then you probably don't mind someone in it.

Another hint you're in whore presence is, she's willing to coyly flirt with all the males around until one makes a move. Even if they're all friends. Even if they all seem interested. Even if one of them is your man. Now, there's nothing wrong with flirting. I do it myself every now and then. But in a setting  where there are multiple dudes involved, it's a little less than ideal to put yourself in a situation like this especially when you have no intention on really following up if they all express an interest. Also, you just look crazy being all up in everybody's face. I'm just saying.

As I've explained before, there are different types of whores. Smart whores and dumb whores. The smart ones are fully aware of what they're doing and don't care. They have an agenda and you're either helping it or not. The dumb ones are just oblivious and don't even realize that they're dumb ass decisions are leading to whorish behavior. Either one can get you in whole lot of trouble.

On the one hand, the smart whore who's in control of everything probably has dudes who she's hit up, that are ready to do anything for her. That includes knocking somebody's block off. That somebody could be you. Usually these chicks don't have boyfriends and don't have a problem adding someone else's to their stable for the summer. Friend's or otherwise. On the rare occasion they do, the same conditions apply. Your man, someone else's... everybody is fair game. Her boyfriend of course, is none the wiser and believes he has as an angel sent from heaven. Yeah, not so much.

On the other hand, the dumb whores usually don't realize that they've just been whored and then you've got a clinger. What do you do now? Especially if you've already got somebody. She thought that by giving you some, it'd make you like her more. It never dawned on her that you weren't really in it for the long haul, even though you told her you a. had a woman, b. weren't looking for a relationship c. some other generic excuse. At least the smart whores play their position.

Yeah, I got it all worked out and everything.

I realize all these statements I'm making sound wrong. Real wrong. But that doesn't mean that I'm making them up. We all know that chick. Do we know who she's getting it in with? Probably not, but we know she's looking real whorish. There's nothing wrong with a woman being in charge of her sexuality and who she decides she's going to bed, but when the choices become indiscriminate and/or the encounters all have a means to an end.... well that's just being a whore. Y'all fee me?

Now, I'm just having a little fun with the definition here, but I DO feel like anyone who thinks it perfectly ok to help someone else cheat is wrong. (Cheaters, you're wrong too!) These are the people I tend to put in the whore category. I won't lie, I've done it and it was wrong then too. (By my standard I have to put myself in that category for doing it. But we're talking years ago and I'm older and wiser now.) But I can also understand that you never know who you're going to end up liking, fall in love with, etc. In those rare cases where the overwhelming attraction of another person leads you to want to be with them and you believe they're your soul mate or some crap like that (See: Mark Sanford), then more power to you and good luck. I hope it works out. For the more common "I just wanted to hit that" situation, I think its best to just stay away from the whores